Experts continue to advocate against shame-based coaching techniques in favor of positive reinforcement approaches and caring cultures. But that doesn’t mean a competitive environment can’t also be fun.
By Marshall Downing, Eli Hudspeth, Ashley Massey, Cohen Dalzell, D.J. Nettles, and Mims Jones
Staff Reporters
AUBURN, Ala. — Andrew McCay coached youth baseball, basketball, and soccer in the Auburn area for 16 years. He still remembers the moment that changed his coaching outlook forever.
It happened when his 10-year-old son, Owen, committed an error on a routine play.
“I jumped all over him when he made an error,” McCay said.
Owen looked up at his Dad with tears in his eyes.
“Daddy, I promise you I’m trying my best,” he said.
That moment has stuck with McCay for years. He said it forced him to rethink the way that he coaches young kids. For youth sports coaches and parents, situations like McCay’s occur frequently. These interactions are opportunities, experts say, for coaches and parents to make their biggest impact on young athletes.
Experts who study youth sports find that children, especially those aged 6-12, stay involved in their sport when they have fun and feel supported.
Kids often use youth sports as an outlet to have fun while building skills and developmental habits they will carry throughout their lives. An estimated 27.3 million or 55.4% of kids participate in youth sports according to the latest data from Project Play in 2023. In Alabama, 54.3% of kids play youth sports.
While there is a strong focus on winning and competition in youth sports, research findings from sports psychologists and interviews with 18 athletes, coaches and experts indicate that having fun is what keeps kids playing. This is true, experts say, for both developmental and competitive-level youth sports.
But what does “having fun” actually look like?
Coaches and parents often understand the concept of fun differently than sports psychologists. For coaches and parents who perceive winning as the most important factor, experts say that emphasis can tip the scales against fun.
Amanda Visek, an associate professor of exercise and nutritional sciences at George Washington University who studies youth sports outcomes, has found that trying your best, working hard, exercising and being active all rank as higher fun determinates than playing well as a team.
Such misconceptions can lead to coach and parent behaviors that do more harm than good.
“Positive coaching is in the top fun factors across multiple studies,” she said.
There has been a disconnect between youth athletes and the adults that surround them, and the misconception of fun is driving kids away.
Interviews with experts that study youth sports and psychology attribute this to factors such as increasing pressure, an overemphasis on competition, and the impact of early specialization, all of which can reduce youth athlete motivation to play. The level of competition also impacts the youth sports experience. Recreational leagues typically emphasize participation, while travel teams and club sports offer more competitive opportunities. But how does that distinction differentiate effective coaching styles, if at all?
Coaching styles: Rec vs. travel teams
Will and Kaitlyn Sawyer, of Opelika, have three active children ages 4, 6 and 9. Through their experiences in both rec and travel sports, they have found that coaching styles can differ sharply between recreational and travel sports, especially in expectations and intensity.
Will Sawyer said rec leagues carry a lighter mindset, noting, “Hey, we lost. We’re upset. But it’s for fun,” while more competitive, fee-based teams bring higher expectations and pressure to perform.
Kaitlyn Sawyer said the coaching style should match the child, especially at younger ages, noting she prefers coaches who are “firm but soft” and avoid yelling negatively toward the kids. Both Sawyers said in their experience, travel-style coaching can sometimes go too far when winning becomes the priority.
Will Sawyer said issues arise when coaches are “screaming at a kid… in a game situation” instead of teaching during practice.
Tyler Stovall, a youth trainer and former multi-sport athlete, said both recreational and competitive models can benefit young athletes when coaching is correctly balanced.
“If we don’t teach kids how to have fun in their sport, then as they get older, as they progress, you hear ‘Burnout.’”
Tyler Stovall, youth sports trainer and ex-professional athlete
He emphasized the importance of enjoyment at early ages.
“My No. 3 rule is have fun,” he said. “If we don’t teach kids how to have fun in their sport, then as they get older, as they progress, you hear ‘Burnout.’”
Stovall said recreational sports often provide that foundation but can lack consistency because many teams rely on volunteer coaches with different levels of experience and coaching philosophies.
At the same time, he said more competitive environments can offer structure and higher standards, but risk becoming too focused on results if not handled properly.
“I don’t think winning’s the end-all, be-all,” Stovall said. “But I also think you have to have the mindset of trying to win.”
A key influencer of youth sports fun is how coaches and parents react to performance. A 2024 study in Clinics in Sports Medicine found that athletes exposed to high-pressure coaching reported increased anxiety and decreased enjoyment, while more supportive coaching environments improved long-term participation.
This dynamic may even apply to a common form of youth sports discipline: benching. A 2025 study of youth sports coaches found that when benching is used to address team behavioral issues, it can contribute to building a positive culture. However, when used to punish performance mistakes, benching can negatively affect team culture dynamics.
What the science says keeps kids playing
The Aspen Institute’s Project Play has found that nearly 70% of children quit organized sports by age 13, and many cite that it is no longer fun as the primary reason.
When discussing what is actually fun and what makes kids want to keep playing sports, people focus on a variety of aspects.
“Fun for my child means meeting new friends, excelling in her sport and getting better over time, and being praised by her coaches,” said Katie Cooper of Auburn, whose daughter Reagan has participated in sports for seven years, including soccer, gymnastics, swimming, fencing and track. “She’s not super competitive, so doesn’t get too upset when she doesn’t win, and I’m ok with that.”
Visek’s research has found that factors related to the youth sports social environment, like friendships and the ability for kids to express themselves, are linked to higher levels of enjoyment than winning or competing at a high level.
“The social aspect is what made sports the most fun for me when I was little,” Mason Howard, an Auburn student, said. “I loved getting to spend time with friends doing something we all enjoyed. This started to change when teams would get divided up between those of us competing versus those who were not. This is when the sport became more intense, and the focus changed to achieving certain goals that would improve my career within the sport.”
A consistent theme when talking to athletes and parents is that the concept of fun was stripped away when pressure increased, and an emphasis was placed on winning over many of these other aspects.
“My coaches started to care way too much about winning rather than playing for the love of the sport,” Joshua Cleland said.
Cleland graduated from Auburn in 2025 and played baseball from age 4 to 16. Two primary influences on youth sports environments are coaches and parents.
Roles of parents
For a lot of kids, sports start out fun. But over time, that can change.
Parents play a big role in that shift.
Dr. Mike Milford, a professor and associate director of communication at the School of Communication and Journalism at Auburn University, has studied how parents influence youth sports experiences. His research shows a gap between what parents expect and what typically happens.
“We surveyed 600 parents, despite the fact that roughly 2% of athletes go on to play in college, about 65% of these parents thought their kid was going to go to college (to play sports),” Milford said.
That belief can create performance anxiety, even if parents don’t intend to. Research shows that performance anxiety can decrease performance and enjoyment while increasing stress in athletes, especially when pressure to perform is high
“Roughly three quarters of the parents think their kid is better than other people’s kids, which of course they do,” Milford said.
It’s normal for parents to believe in their kids. But when expectations get too high, it can shift the experience from enjoyment to pressure. High external expectations are linked to increased performance anxiety, which is associated with decreased performance, lower sport satisfaction and higher stress levels in young athletes
“I would say the parents and the coaches are driving it; parents want to live out their sports fantasies,” Milford said.
Effects of that constant pressure are a key contributor to youth sports attrition.
“They don’t want to play anymore. A lot of them have burnout, but a lot of them talk about what they enjoyed about the sport is gone, and it becomes that drive to win, and they talk about the pressure to achieve, and these are 14 years old, 15 years old,” Milford said.
Research on youth sports participation, including work by York University’s Jessica Fraser-Thomas, shows that negative experiences and pressure from coaches and parents are key factors in why kids drop out.
That’s where the problem is. Visek found that kids care more about trying hard, improving and having a positive team environment than just winning.
When parents overemphasize winning, it leads to higher rates of quitting.
Mixed signals: What is fun?
Another issue in youth sports is how success is defined. Kayleigh Hart, a PhD candidate at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, looks at development differently from many parents and coaches.
Hart said athlete development should focus on the whole person, using sport as a way to build life and social skills that extend beyond the game.
“The way that I look at the work that I do is developing the athlete as a whole,” Hart said.
That idea shifts the focus away from just winning and toward growth, which is what athletes actually value.
Dr. Paul McCarthy, a chartered psychologist with the British Psychological Society and a practitioner psychologist with the Health and Care Professions Council, found that young athletes are more motivated by personal improvement, enjoyment and skill development than by outcomes like winning or external rewards.
“Kids describe fun through trying their best and working hard, being active and involved throughout sessions, feeling supported by coaches and teammates, improving skills and learning new things, playing well together as a team,” McCarthy said.
Burnout
A common occurrence for youth in sports is the process of burnout, which can be caused by exhaustion and may lead athletes to lose interest in their sport or even quit altogether, according to HealthyChildren.org.
A key factor that could contribute to burnout is the way that youth sports leagues are structured compared to the past. In the past, these leagues were focused more on having fun and were less structured.
Today these leagues have increased competition and expectations as well as tryouts beginning at young ages.
“I think a lot of people go into it with good intentions and don’t realize maybe the actions that come out of it that then make a kid feel that sense of burnout, which is entrapment of, I’m not allowed to quit,” Dr. Rachel Williams, assistant clinical professor at Auburn University, said. “I’m not allowed to admit that this is hard and leave. They experience it more. And then we see the outcomes of it later on when there’s a big blowout, you know, like something major happens or an injury occurs and takes them out for good, or they just, they leave more abruptly than they do like closing the book to a happy chapter and so, yeah, I think it’s more prevalent because of that.”
“Most of the kids that quit at 14 quit because of the mental side,” Milford said. “It’s just not fun anymore because of the competition.”
While a singular moment can lead to a desire to quit and leave the sport behind, many examples of burnout slowly build over long periods of time. The built-up anxiety can be caused by parents, coaches, or a variety of other factors.
By ages 7 and 8, kids begin comparing themselves to peers and set up a ranking system in their mind, according to Dr. Rachel Williams, assistant clinical professor at Auburn University. This can build onto that already existing anxiety that kids are facing.
Milford has found that there is oftentimes a disconnect between what coaches say and what they do that could contribute to additional strain on a young athlete’s body.
“So, they say things like ‘We’re worried about burnout,’” Milford said. “Then they practice some five hours a day. They say things like ‘You need to take care of your body.’ And then they have them throw 500 curve balls in a season. They don’t watch pitch counts. They don’t do that kind of stuff. So, you know, it’s crazy.”
As pressure, physical, and mental demands continue to mount, it can begin to outweigh the enjoyment of the game. Athletes can lose motivation and leave them feeling trapped in a sport that once brought them joy.
Remembering why kids play
Interviews and research point to a consistent theme: the growing pressure to win, early specialization, and issues involving coaching and parents are changing the sports experience for young athletes.
Social connection, growth, and enjoyment can begin to fade, and when that happens, kids can lose sight of what motivated them to play in the first place.
Years later, McCay still thinks about that moment with his son on the field. It served as a reminder that kids can experience sports much differently than the parents or coaches who surround them.
Since then, McCay has changed the way he approaches coaching. For many young athletes, moments like these can be the difference in quitting or continuing in their sport.
“These are kids, and they are trying their best, and they’re going to make mistakes, and sometimes it’s good enough to just say, ‘Hey buddy, we got them next time. Keep your head up. This is what you did wrong. Keep working hard. You’re good,’” McCay said. “And not letting your emotions take over, because it can just beat them into submission and make them not want to play anymore.”
